Self-esteem is BS

I used to think I needed to have higher self-esteem in order to be successful in life. But according to the science, that’s simply not true:

“Laboratory studies have generally failed to find that self-esteem causes good task performance… Self-esteem has not been shown to predict the quality or duration of relationships… Leadership does not stem directly from self-esteem”

Why does this matter? Often we see growth in the following way: goal –> feel confident about it –> practice –> growth. We see that high self-esteem, that ‘evaluating ourselves positively’ as a necessary step. And so we work on self-esteem instead of the skill we actually want to develop – communication, playing guitar, or beating the last level in Mario (why is the last level so much harder than all the other ones?).

The problem is, working on self-esteem is unnecessary. Even if we can change it, it doesn’t help. And we end up wasting lots of time trying to control our thoughts and feelings with very little to show for it.

For example, I might think to myself, “Why do I even bother trying to write this post, I’m such a lousy writer, I might as well just give up.” If I believe self-esteem matters, then instead of writing, I might try to work on my self-esteem first. I might try to get rid of my negative thoughts, to improve my mood, to tell myself that, “doggone it, I am a good writer!” But the problem with all of these behaviors is that they take me away from doing what’s important to me – actually writing.

So if you’re still hooked on thinking you need to think positively about yourself before you can achieve growth, try to stop allowing that thought to guide your behavior. Instead, focus on the behavior that will move you toward actual skill development – practice.